Why do we feel unhappy all the time?
Recently, something profound happened that entirely changed how I see myself: I decided to let my hair grow naturally with its curls.
This was a big deal. I'd straightened my hair for the past 18 years (OMG!), so embracing my natural curls was a significant shift. This incident prompted me to reflect on why I'd always straightened my hair and felt stressed whenever it even started to curl.
I realized that I was afraid of reverting to an "ugly" phase. This fear stems from high school, a time of incredibly low self-esteem that significantly influenced my adult decisions. I constantly compared myself to others, felt insignificant, and craved external validation to prove my worth. This pattern shaped my personality through university and into my career.
Essentially, I was striving for a "perfect" life, which at the time meant achieving the following:
- A perfect, wealthy, and loving partner
- World travel, showcasing a luxurious lifestyle: lavish trips and experiences
- A "hot and sexy" body and a beautiful face, according to modern standards
- Extreme wealth and riches, including owning a villa with a pool and all the "bling"
- A high position in society, a prestigious and well-known identity to flaunt
- Constant admiration and compliments from everyone
Consequently, whenever I felt I wasn't meeting these "perfect" standards, I was disappointed and miserable.
Isn't life often a constant chase for these things?
"Chasing the wrong things"—as Amy Wheeler shared on the Elements of Ayurveda podcast—really resonated with me. Hearing her journey and how she'd chased the wrong things made me realize I was doing the same. Luckily, I've now recognized this and can stop, choosing to live a life that truly has meaning for me.
We're often unhappy because we chase the wrong things.
If you have the self-awareness to recognize this, I hope you also have the courage to discover what brings meaning to your life, to your heart, and to pursue it.
Here are some things that have helped me find my path and have significantly changed me in recent years:
- Reading books (My top five are: Light is The New Black by Rebecca Campbell, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh, and Đường Mây Lên Xứ Tuyết by Nguyên Phong)
- Yoga
- Pranayama
- Listening to Dharma talks (by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and Thầy Thích Pháp Hoà)
- Ayurveda
- Painting (reclaiming my Inner Artist)
- Writing and journaling
- Art therapy
- Pay attention to what lights my heart (Things I love doing/reading/spending time without feeling bored)
- Self-reflection
You might read or hear that "Happiness is not a destination, it's a way of being" or "Happiness is a journey, not a destination," but have you experienced true happiness? How does it feel? Can you feel it? Does it last?
Take time to contemplate and redirect if what you're doing isn't working. Life isn't meant to be fixed, but changed. I can only share what works for me, but your path might be different. Whatever it is, if you feel happy and content with yourself every day, then you're on the right path.